Luke's Fifth

As of 3:03pm, our Lucas Daniel officially became five-years-old!

Luke was the one baby I chose to deliver without pain maintenance.  Delivering Zac, Ben and Josh I hadn't wanted to forgo the epidural.  But the experience with Luke, while indescribably painful, was so incredible I had planned on not having an epidural with Tommy--until everything went haywire with his delivery.  So Luke is my one and only baby delivered through "natural" childbirth.  I remember, as I was pushing him into the world, feeling like my body might just tear right in half and thinking I was going to die and I would never have the chance to meet my fourth baby boy.  Of course, we both made it through just fine, and seconds after the most unbearable pain I hope to ever experience, I was feeling the most elated joy and blissful peace, heightened, I believe, by the mere fact of what we had just gone through together, as I gazed into the smooshy sweet face of my Luke.  And the fitting thing about that is that Luke still tears me in two.  He can pain my heart, yet he always gives me the greatest, sweetest joys as we travel this road of life together.

Luke has been our child that has stretched me the most as a mother.  He has forced me to grow and get creative.  He has helped me to seek the unexplored corners of motherhood and to become more thoughtful in my prayers.  He has made me analyze who I am and what I want him to see in me and the example I am setting for him.  One minute he and I are cruising cheerfully down the freeway of life, and the next we are in a 80-car pile up.  I can be fully in Zen Mama mode and then instantly Devil Mama possesses me and I need an exorcism.  His talkative nature and intelligent observations are a source of my greatest pleasures, but his baby talk and whining get under my skin like ringworm.  His laugh is contagious.  His tantrums are legendary.  Torn in two, yes.

But it is the short-lived pains of mothering Luke that I think heightens the joys of being his mom.  Luke's smile is bright like the sunshine and warm like a good friend.  He has a huge heart and wants people to love him and accept him, but is always true to who he is and won't act a certain way just to impress others.  He loves his brothers: especially Josh and Tom, and is always trying to follow Josh around and give Tommy hugs, even though Josh isn't always the nicest about Luke's adoration and Tommy is not a "hugger."  He always makes sure to thank God for me in his prayers, sometimes that's all he says in his prayers.  Luke is inquisitive and imaginative and is full of the most thoughtful, interesting questions.  Luke can play peacefully by himself, making up his own little world for hours, and he needs it, he needs the peace and the solo time to recharge his battery.  He feels such great big feelings.  He is intelligent, eager to learn and is so proud of his accomplishments.  Luke's memory is incredible, whether it's something he learned from a book or a PBS show or something that happened in the past, I am always amazed with his ability to recall.  He is just starting to read and is thrilled every time he sounds his way through another book.  Watching him make choices that are difficult or scary for him, and seeing him overcome the challenges he's had over the years provide me with a sense of pride that is hard to articulate.  Observing who he is today compared with who he was two years ago is a lesson in patience, hope and faith.  Luke is an undeniable source of elated joy and blissful peace.

I love that we get to go through this together.


Luke's 5th birthday, as an odd numbered year, was celebrated with just the family.  He awoke to blueberry muffins, orange juice and singing.  He has been counting down the months and days and hours to his birthday since Christmas, and the smile on his face when we started singing to him as he descended the stairs was priceless.  It was finally here!  We spent the day at home, Adam and I getting long-ignored projects done, while the boys played.  Luke opened his chock-full gift bag from his brothers just after lunch.  His birthday list was a mile long, so he didn't get everything he wanted, but I think he was very pleased with what he did get and didn't mention anything that was missed.  Josh made him a very cute pillow out of some felt, appliqued with an "L" on one side and a star on the other.  We had spaghetti for dinner, one of the two dinners I make that he will actually eat, the other being quesadillas.  It made my heart rejoice to hear him exclaim, "I WUV spaghetti!!"  (He's still getting the "L" sound down--right now he calls himself "Wuke" although if you say, "It's Lllllluke," he will reply, "Yeah, that's what I'm saying.").  The evening was finished off with cupcake cones and snuggling while watching The Secret World of Arrietty.  Before bed he told me, "I like my birthday, Mom."  And that's all that matters.